The Ungiven Apology

(update after I received several alarming messages. If you know me personally, I can promise this post is not about you. This person doesn’t do social media…I don’t think
DOUBLE UPDATE: Holy smokes, people. This was a post about my inability to forgive it is not about anyone at church). 

 

I have a secret for you.

Are you ready?

Here it is: I am not perfect.

Shocking, I know.

While I do have and recognize my strengths and talents (not to brag, but I am the fastest crab-walker that I know), I do have a few downfalls.

Fine, maybe more than a few.

More like hundreds.

For example:

One) gravity. As athletic an I am, I still trip on the carpet.

Two) awkward conversation starter. It’s bad, people. So bad.

Person: Hi, Erin

Me: I’m good. 

Three) details. Have you seen this Instagram post? Perfect example.

Four) forgiveness.

This is a big one. I understand we’re commanded to forgive. I understand that being mad at someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. I’ve read ALL the bible verses, and the Pinterest quotes on forgiveness, letting go, accept what you cannot change, keep calm and…

But here’s what those Pinterest quotes with the hazy trees and ocean waves in the background don’t tell you.

Forgiveness is freaking hard.

Like, super, super, super hard.

I wish I could stand in a field of tall grass with my hair blowing in the wind and toss those grievances in the air and be done with it.

But I can’t.

Recently, I was blindsided by a humiliating act from a person who I am supposed to trust.   And after much soul searching I’ve realized that I am not offended.

What I am is hurt.

There is a difference.

I don’t know if this person’s acts were intentional or not.

I suspect it was a combination of being insensitive and bias.

When I’m mad or upset, I don’t like to talk about it (I can write about it, though***). I keep my mouth shut, eyes forward, and pretend it/he/she doesn’t exist (this could probably go on the list of downfalls as well). It’s a defense mechanism put in place to protect my heart from buttholes.

Wow, that could be a Pinterest quote.

Protect Your From Buttholes.png

Feel free to pin that.

Or put it on a shirt.

Anyway, I’ve been “burned” in the past both intentionally and unintentionally. And I’m reasonable enough to know that I’ve “burned” people both intentionally (in high school, I’m sure) and unintentionally. If a sincere apology is given, I will take it and let it go, move on, and have a good day.

But what about when the apology doesn’t come?

That, my friends, is where I struggle.

Accepting the ungiven apology.

After searching the Internet, I’ve found a recipe that’s supposed to be good for the open-ended hurt.

Blue Illustrations General Recipe Card-2

I’ll let you know how it turns out.

Maybe.

One of my other downfalls is the inability to remember to update this blog.

 

(***be careful when you tick off an author) 

 

Who knew property management could be so hilariously dangerous?.png

13 thoughts on “The Ungiven Apology”

  1. I love this so much. Do you speak at firesides or youth activities? We’re looking for fun speakers for a conference next July. From your bio I know you’re in southern California (and I suspect we attend the same church!). I’m in South Orange County and we would love to have you come speak to our youth about whatever you’d like. Should I contact your agent?

    Like

      1. I’d be interested in having you come to speak as well in Utah, but just to a group of girls 12-18 at camp if you’re available next summer. This topic would be perfect. Is it okay if I email the address above? If not I totally understand. Love your books. Thank you!

        Like

  2. Thank you for this post. I needed to read this today. I struggle with this and I feel like I’m the only one. Now I know I’m not. I’ll work on your recipe with you.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s