So I have to update my author bio.
Which is about as much fun as eating a kale salad.
Like, you know you should, like you know it’s good for you, but it tastes like poo.
OK, maybe that was a poor analogy. My brain has already checked-out for the day, which is unfortunate since it’s not even noon.
Back to author bio.
Who honestly likes to talk or write about themselves in third person?
I mean, besides Elmo. (Ha, Ha, Ha) <—That’s my Elmo impersonation.
The thing is, if I were being completely honest, my bio would go something like this:
Erin Huss can change a diaper in fifteen seconds flat (twenty if there’s a turd in there). She is an overanalyzer, says “crap” too much, can pound a gallon of ice cream in under thirty minutes, burns everything she bakes, and sometimes she forgets to shower…sniff, sniff…like today. It took her ten years and five kids before she figured out how the whole birth control thing works. And she has a gift for making any situation awkward (like she did in the previous sentance). Yet, somehow, she still has friends. Erin currently resides in Southern California, where she complains daily about the cost of living but will never do anything about it. Oh, and she can name every character from all ten seasons of 90210, but don’t ask her to keep her kids names straight.
I mean, who wouldn’t want to read my book?
But according to my book people(the ones who pay for everything), that’s not going to look good on the back of a book.
So here’s what I got. You help me decide which one says “This chick seems like she can write funny crap. I want to read her book.”
“Erin Huss blogs at The Apartment Manager’s Blog—a humorous chronicle of her time as an onsite apartment manager as well as stories submitted by property managers from all over the world. Her first book, For Rent, is an Amazon Best seller and finalist in the 2017 RONE Awards. Erin lives in Southern California with her husband, five children, two dogs and lots and lots of fish.”
I mean…it’s OK, right?
Here’s another one:
Erin Huss began her writing career blogging anonymously at The Apartment Manager’s Blog, where she told stories of her life as an onsite apartment manager. She now writes humerous mysteries from her home in Southern California, where she lives with her husband, five kids, two dogs and lots of fish.
Ugh, this would be so much easier if I had a brain today!
Anyway, what do you think. Either of these? Should I start again? Will you write it for me? Would it be worth mentioning that I can fit my entire mouth around a soda can?