I’m sitting here at a cafe writing my next book(cliche, yes, I know). At least I’m trying to write. The girl next to me has a squirrel.
Yep, a squirrel.
At least she says she has a squirrel. I haven’t actually seen it. All I know is there’s a brown box on the seat next to her, and about every few minutes, she peeks in and says, “you OK in there?”
She’s young, too.
The girl not the squirrel.
A few of her friends are with her, they keep looking inside the box to check out the squirrel and whenever one of them gets up to leave she says, “say good-bye to my squirrel!”
I’m now Googling…”are pet squirrels allowed in California”
Appears you can own a squirrel, though it’s frowned upon.
My guess is it’s a baby squirrel or perhaps it’s an injured squirrel?
Maybe it’s a puppy named squirrel?
I would lean over and ask, but it’s rude to eavesdrop.
A guy just sat down next to her. He has a stack of thick books, says he’s thinking about dropping out of PA school. He’s failing. Squirrel Girl tells him, if he’s failing to apply to medical school instead. Sound advice. She offers to help him study. But first he has to say “‘hi’ to my squirrel.”
Now they’re chatting about mountain biking. She wants to go with him sometime. He says “sure” but it’s obvious he has no intention of inviting her.
I want to lean over and tell her, “if you’re really into this guy, stop making him talk to your squirrel.”
Oh, wait, hold on, the box is moving…
She’s removing the animal from the box…
Yep, it’s a squirrel.
Now the squirrel is on the table!
She’s trying to grab it but the squirrel wants free!
OK, never mind, the squirrel wants Mountain Bike Guy’s croissant.
Oops, the squirrel just bit her on the finger.
Googling “do squirrels have rabies?”
Don’t mess with a squirrel’s puff pastry.
Googling “is crossant a puff pastry?”
Oh, the manager is coming over. Are you allowed to have squirrels in a Cafe?
The manager is telling the girl she needs to take the squirrel outside.
The chick at the table to my left has her phone out and aimed at the squirrel, this is probably going to end up on Snapchat.
I’m going to be in that picture.
*rolls shoulders, sucks in gut, sticks out chin*
Squirrel Girl is apologetic. She’s telling the manager how she found the sick squirrel outside and wanted to nurse it back to heath, but will release it now.
OK, I’ve got to get back to work.
The girl was picking up the squirrel and it bit her again, harder this time.
She’s bleeding. Mountain Bike Guy has determined it needs stitches. By his own admission, he’s failing, so I’d seek a second opinion if I were her.
Where’s the squirrel, though…
The squirrel is missing. But we’ve got bigger problems.
Squirrel Girl is not feeling so good. She’s a bit pale. Mountain Bike Guy is there, though. He’s getting her some water.
An older guy is now aiding Squirrel Girl. He works for The Acorn (local paper). He says we should take her to the hospital, the squirrels around here are known to carry tynoid disease. Recent outbreak. He’s covering the story.
Googling Tynoid disease.
Ok, it’s actually spelled Sthyoid disease.
(Sthyoid disease: transmittable to human only by an infected rodent bite. Fatal if not treated immediately. Symptoms: Chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, malaise, chest pains, difficultly breathing
Gastrointestinal: diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, or vomiting blood
Also common: coughing up blood, eye redness, headache, mental confusion, red spots on skin, or sore throat, death)
OK, paramedics are here. Mountain Bike Guy is being really sweet to Squirrel Girl, very attentive, holding her hand and whispering into her ear, what, I’m not sure, but she smiled for a second. He should give PA school another try.
Oh, crap. Squirrel Girl is having having a hard time breathing. They’re putting her on a stretcher.
I hope she’s going to be OK!
The ambulance is gone. I can hear the sirens. Mountain Bike Guy went with her. Everyone here is a bit shaky. The manager is handing out free small drips to everyone who helped. Super nice!
Please, let this be a warning to everyone in the area, don’t touch the squirrels!
That was insane! I can barely type my hands are so shaky.
Not feeling so good either. My chest hurt.
Their’s blood on my leg?
How’d did I get blood on my leg?
I must have cut myself during the caos.
But wait…there’s a bite mark.
Holly crap their’s a bit mark on my leg if your reeding this tell jef i went to…
Ok, I really do need to get back to writing.
everything up until the * really did happen.
I’m moving to a different table now.
But we all know that girl is going to sneak that squirrel into her apartment and pass it off as an emotional pet.